Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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