i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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