i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
