Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
