I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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