I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
