Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
