You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
