Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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