im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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