no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
