i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
