mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
