Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
