literally had 100 drinks last night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
