dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
this boner is exhausting
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
