Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
