he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
