life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
