def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize