if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
