are you so shy because you have an std?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
