All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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