Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
