We're facebook friends in real life
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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