Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
