My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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