I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
