My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
