my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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