so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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