I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
