your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
