Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
