Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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