I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
