OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
