shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
