he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
