Christians are straight up FREAKS
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
