he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
