thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
