What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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