A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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