i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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