I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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