those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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