Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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