Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
