i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
