is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
