So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
