she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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