If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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