I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who died my cat blue again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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