I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Found the puke drawer
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
