Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I enjoy the company of your penis
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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