apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
