Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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