There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
