i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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