mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
