Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
