I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
