I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
