OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
